Online Support

Dec 20, 2023 Reporting from Niles, MI

Dec 20, 2023

Dec 20, 2023

Christmas, Grief, and The New Year

SpectrumHealth Lakeland

Christmas, Grief, and The New Year

SpectrumHealth Lakeland

https://www.spectrumhealthlakeland.org/ResourcePackages/SpectrumHealth/assets/img/sh_white_logo.png

Christmas is not an easy time to do the work of remembering, crying, feeling sad. But I encourage you to do it anyway. Don’t worry about what anyone thinks. Take the time you need to grieve your loss. ~ Barbara G. Schmitz

How do we allow ourselves to grieve our loss while others around us may be celebrating? We may have friends and family expecting us to participate and be present in certain Holiday events or traditions. Take some time to think about what can I do and what do I want to do? Give yourself permission to say, “no thank you, not this year.” In his book “A Decembered Grief,” Harold Ivan Smith encourages grievers to define their boundaries. Pull out a journal or notebook, at the top of the page write:

• I want to…
• I want to minimize Christmas preparations
• I want to feel more relaxed this holiday season I want to simplify my gift giving
• I want to ____________

Take a long look at your calendar and consider blocking out some dates or times by writing “booked,” followed by your initials. These blocked out dates are for time alone, for rest and relaxation. When we allow ourselves the time to reflect on and determine our boundaries, they will be easier to maintain. Blocking out time for rest, relaxation, and reflection is one way we can continue to take care of ourselves in the new year.

As you flip the calendar forward into the new year, you may be experiencing a range of emotions. Take some time to honor and acknowledge those feelings and thoughts. Take some time to remember. Alan Wolfelt shared, “Remembering the person I have loved does allow me to heal. Healing does not mean I forget. Actually, it means I will remember.” Block out a few minutes, grab your journal or notebook and write it out:

| Beginning --- Stuff that matters --- End |

• What exactly shall I remember? The good and the bad?
• The bad and the good?
• The not-so-bad and the not-so-good?

Always remember the “and” that links good and bad: the ordinary and the mundane, the “nothing much” seasons of our lives. Remember all that made your loved one, your loved one. ~ Harold Ivan Smith, “ABC’s of Healthy Grieving,” pg. 135

In the midst of life, we’re not very good at predicting which moments will matter later. It’s only after the story ends that we’re able to see the significance of certain events. We assume big moments like milestones, beginnings, and endings will be the most important. When in truth many of the moments that give us pause – either because they cause us the most pain or because they are the most dear – quietly happen somewhere in the middle. ~ whatsyourgrief.com/moments-that-matter

If you are grieving a death, support is available. Please contact us at 269.983.2707. We’re always here and available to listen. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for online support and inspiration, and you can always find us at www.lorysplace.org.

Wishing you peace, comfort, and moments of joy,

The Lory’s Place Team

Christmas, Grief, and The New Year

by Lory's Place | Dec 20, 2023   

Christmas is not an easy time to do the work of remembering, crying, feeling sad. But I encourage you to do it anyway. Don’t worry about what anyone thinks. Take the time you need to grieve your loss. ~ Barbara G. Schmitz

How do we allow ourselves to grieve our loss while others around us may be celebrating? We may have friends and family expecting us to participate and be present in certain Holiday events or traditions. Take some time to think about what can I do and what do I want to do? Give yourself permission to say, “no thank you, not this year.” In his book “A Decembered Grief,” Harold Ivan Smith encourages grievers to define their boundaries. Pull out a journal or notebook, at the top of the page write:

• I want to…
• I want to minimize Christmas preparations
• I want to feel more relaxed this holiday season I want to simplify my gift giving
• I want to ____________

Take a long look at your calendar and consider blocking out some dates or times by writing “booked,” followed by your initials. These blocked out dates are for time alone, for rest and relaxation. When we allow ourselves the time to reflect on and determine our boundaries, they will be easier to maintain. Blocking out time for rest, relaxation, and reflection is one way we can continue to take care of ourselves in the new year.

As you flip the calendar forward into the new year, you may be experiencing a range of emotions. Take some time to honor and acknowledge those feelings and thoughts. Take some time to remember. Alan Wolfelt shared, “Remembering the person I have loved does allow me to heal. Healing does not mean I forget. Actually, it means I will remember.” Block out a few minutes, grab your journal or notebook and write it out:

| Beginning --- Stuff that matters --- End |

• What exactly shall I remember? The good and the bad?
• The bad and the good?
• The not-so-bad and the not-so-good?

Always remember the “and” that links good and bad: the ordinary and the mundane, the “nothing much” seasons of our lives. Remember all that made your loved one, your loved one. ~ Harold Ivan Smith, “ABC’s of Healthy Grieving,” pg. 135

In the midst of life, we’re not very good at predicting which moments will matter later. It’s only after the story ends that we’re able to see the significance of certain events. We assume big moments like milestones, beginnings, and endings will be the most important. When in truth many of the moments that give us pause – either because they cause us the most pain or because they are the most dear – quietly happen somewhere in the middle. ~ whatsyourgrief.com/moments-that-matter

If you are grieving a death, support is available. Please contact us at 269.983.2707. We’re always here and available to listen. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for online support and inspiration, and you can always find us at www.lorysplace.org.

Wishing you peace, comfort, and moments of joy,

The Lory’s Place Team