Surviving grief during the pandemic and after
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It’s not too late
Apr 01, 2022
One of the most difficult things for mourners to overcome is the sense that grief must be temporary. When we are separated from a death, either in distance or in time, many of us think it is simply “too late” to mourn. We think it is too late to say goodbye, too late to wrestle with feelings of regret, and sometimes we even think it’s too late to confess our love.
But nothing could be further from the truth. It’s never too late to grieve. It’s never too late to mourn. Some people believe that there is a limited window of time in which it is proper to grieve, and after that amount of time passes, we should have “gotten over” the impact of death. The cultural pressure to downplay grief can be so strong that even people who grieve victims of atrocities can be criticized for not “getting over” the deaths involved in such events. “Wasn’t that a long time ago?” someone might suggest. They may also say things like “You need to just deal with it and move on!” or “I had no idea! Is that really still bothering you?”
The good news is that to such persons we can always respond: “There is no time stamp on grief.” There is nothing about the day, the seasons, the months, or the year that confirms when mourning should cease. Grief can affect people in places and times far removed from where the death occurred. Thus, it can never really come “too late.” It’s never too late to visit a family gravesite, plant flowers at a sacred shrine or build a memorial in remembrance. It’s never too late to bond with another survivor, to learn grandma’s favorite hobby or prepare grandpa’s favorite meal. It’s never too late to (finally) organize that photo album, go on that family vacation, make, and create those new life memories, or preserve precious artifacts from old ones. Remember, it is not our proximity to the death that ultimately matters. It’s the death’s significance in our lives that does.
There is nothing about the seasons, or the equinoxes, or the sun or the moon, that has any bearing on when the time is right for mourning. And if you are mourning the death of a loved one, no matter how much time has elapsed since they lived, then know that Lory’s Place is here for you. Lory’s Place offers ongoing groups that meet during the evening for adults and children. Please call 269.983.2707 for more information.