One minute of courage
May 16, 2022
One minute of courage is all it takes, one minute.
One minute to do what I need to do. One minute to cry. One minute to feel. One minute to talk. One minute to listen. One minute to be alone. One minute to be with others. One minute to think. One minute to listen to my heart.
One minute… And then, one minute more ~Jim Waldsmith
Waiting for the waves of grief to pass can feel like an eternity. We are often impatient with ourselves because we aren’t grieving fast enough, we aren’t “over it” yet. Often, that is also our perception of what society expects, which just adds to the pressure. The reality is, no one wants to feel relief from the pain more than those that experienced the loss, those intimately connected. No amount of pressure from yourself or anyone else will bring relief.
How long will my grief last? How long will I feel this way?
These are questions often asked of grief professionals, whether grief is fresh and new, or someone has successfully placed their grief on a shelf and realized it simply isn’t going away.
Time itself does not heal grief, it is what you do within that time that helps people move from a place of intense pain to healing. Rebuilding life without that person takes time, energy, and patience. Here are a few suggestions as you set your own pace toward a new normal.
- Your grief is unique to you, just as your relationship with that person was uniquely yours. Consider doing something you once enjoyed together. Take someone along if that feels better.
- Honor your person’s memory each day. It doesn’t need to be a grand gesture, keep it simple. Touch their picture, light a candle, or simply breathing in remembering their love and breathing out knowing they will always be a part of you.
- Allow joy and laughter when it comes in. It can feel uncomfortable, especially at first, but it doesn’t mean you are forgetting. Joy and sadness can co-exist. It may be helpful to remember a joyful memory with your person.
- For some people, especially right after death, grief is ever-present. However, if you can, take a break. If possible, allow yourself to engage in something that takes your mind somewhere else; a movie, book, game, or someone else’s story.
All these intentional moments of mourning (taking your grief from inside and expressing it) are opportunities to release your grief in small, manageable bits at a time. Don’t take it all at once, take it in minutes, then hours, days, and eventually weeks. It takes intention and courage to travel your grief journey, be kind to yourself.
If you are grieving a death and think a support group might be right for you, please contact us at 269.983.2707. We’re always here and available to listen.