Nov 14, 2022 Reporting from Niles, MI
Nov 14, 2022
Nov 14, 2022
Grief at Thanksgiving: Gratitude with a Grain of Salt
SpectrumHealth Lakeland
Grief at Thanksgiving: Gratitude with a Grain of Salt
SpectrumHealth Lakeland
https://www.spectrumhealthlakeland.org/ResourcePackages/SpectrumHealth/assets/img/sh_white_logo.png
Many of the values, traditions, and messages associated with Thanksgiving like warmth, comfort, gratitude, and family togetherness can be in direct conflict with a grieving person’s actual reality.
After the death of a loved one, it’s typical for grieving people to feel apathy towards some of the experiences that used to bring them joy. This is not a deliberate choice anyone makes. Grief just changes the way life looks and feels.
Many of you experiencing the heavy thoughts and distressing emotions of grief may be thinking about scrapping Thanksgiving all together. Maybe you’re dreading grief triggers. Maybe your loved one was so central to the day that you don’t know how to carry it off without them, or maybe you’re just feeling anything but grateful.
If it’s an absent sense of gratitude that’s making you feel cut-off from Thanksgiving, I want to offer a thought. Just as the holidays aren’t only for happy people, neither is gratitude. You don’t have to choose between grief or feeling grateful.
It is common, as we are grieving, to experience conflicting emotions. It can be tough to feel isolated, left out, disconnected, and misunderstood, especially during the holidays. It’s okay to acknowledge the good feelings as well as the sad, painful feelings.
Remember, it’s okay to feel not grateful
It’s okay to acknowledge this emotion and to recognize your grief, apathy, and sadness. You don’t need to stuff your feelings inside for the benefit of others. You are not responsible for any other adult’s happiness. Of course, there will be times you feel you have to put on a front, like at work or child-related celebrations, and that’s okay. But the bottom line is, it’s okay to acknowledge the fact that you’re feeling anything but grateful.
Finding balance in gratitude
Finding gratitude may feel like a stretch and that is okay. As we acknowledged, finding something to be grateful for doesn’t minimize or erase the difficult thoughts, memories, and emotions you are experiencing. It may simply help to balance your outlook a little. Balancing your outlook is important. Even though, Thanksgiving will feel different this year, actively seeking gratitude can be an empowering way to reclaim a part of the holiday for yourself. Find yourself a notebook and list one thing. It can be a small thing, such as a hot cup of coffee, a happy memory, your dog, your cat, etc.
Remember to give yourself the space you need as you navigate this holiday season. Set limits on gatherings with family and friends. Give yourself permission to feel what you need to feel. Take breaks, take extra care of yourself, and seek out the support you need.
If you are grieving a death and think a support group might be for you, please contact us at 269.983.2707. We’re always here and available to listen. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter for online support and inspiration, and you can always find us at lorysplace.org.
Wishing you moments of peace, comfort, and joy,
The Lory’s Place Team
Grief at Thanksgiving: Gratitude with a Grain of Salt
by
Lory's Place
|
Nov 14, 2022
Many of the values, traditions, and messages associated with Thanksgiving like warmth, comfort, gratitude, and family togetherness can be in direct conflict with a grieving person’s actual reality.
After the death of a loved one, it’s typical for grieving people to feel apathy towards some of the experiences that used to bring them joy. This is not a deliberate choice anyone makes. Grief just changes the way life looks and feels.
Many of you experiencing the heavy thoughts and distressing emotions of grief may be thinking about scrapping Thanksgiving all together. Maybe you’re dreading grief triggers. Maybe your loved one was so central to the day that you don’t know how to carry it off without them, or maybe you’re just feeling anything but grateful.
If it’s an absent sense of gratitude that’s making you feel cut-off from Thanksgiving, I want to offer a thought. Just as the holidays aren’t only for happy people, neither is gratitude. You don’t have to choose between grief or feeling grateful.
It is common, as we are grieving, to experience conflicting emotions. It can be tough to feel isolated, left out, disconnected, and misunderstood, especially during the holidays. It’s okay to acknowledge the good feelings as well as the sad, painful feelings.
Remember, it’s okay to feel not grateful
It’s okay to acknowledge this emotion and to recognize your grief, apathy, and sadness. You don’t need to stuff your feelings inside for the benefit of others. You are not responsible for any other adult’s happiness. Of course, there will be times you feel you have to put on a front, like at work or child-related celebrations, and that’s okay. But the bottom line is, it’s okay to acknowledge the fact that you’re feeling anything but grateful.
Finding balance in gratitude
Finding gratitude may feel like a stretch and that is okay. As we acknowledged, finding something to be grateful for doesn’t minimize or erase the difficult thoughts, memories, and emotions you are experiencing. It may simply help to balance your outlook a little. Balancing your outlook is important. Even though, Thanksgiving will feel different this year, actively seeking gratitude can be an empowering way to reclaim a part of the holiday for yourself. Find yourself a notebook and list one thing. It can be a small thing, such as a hot cup of coffee, a happy memory, your dog, your cat, etc.
Remember to give yourself the space you need as you navigate this holiday season. Set limits on gatherings with family and friends. Give yourself permission to feel what you need to feel. Take breaks, take extra care of yourself, and seek out the support you need.
If you are grieving a death and think a support group might be for you, please contact us at 269.983.2707. We’re always here and available to listen. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter for online support and inspiration, and you can always find us at lorysplace.org.
Wishing you moments of peace, comfort, and joy,
The Lory’s Place Team